Why didn't I do all this last year??

(I'm not even going to acknowledge the fact that I've been MIA for three months or more.  It never happened.  Seriously, I don't even know what you're talking about.)

I'm an obsessive list maker, so here is my list of resolutions for 2010.  (Because I will conveniently forget them if they are not written down.)

Wash my face every night.  I get a huge case of the lazies right before bed, which often results in wearing my make-up to bed.  I'm getting married in two and a half months, and I can't afford any ugly breakouts!!

Quit smoking.  For good.  I am dreading this one.  I've tried to quit so many times.  I know that I can do it - I just can't pretend that I am able to be only a "social smoker".  I just signed up at http://www.becomeanex.org, and it promises to help you rethink the situations that make you smoke.  I'm also doing the nicotine patches, because I know they work.  I just have to stay strong.

Hire a trainer.  To help me not become a fat ass when I do quit smoking.  (Not that holiday food hasn't already done it's part in "helping" me gain a few.)  Also to help me get in perfect shape for my wedding...and the honeymoon.  Dress code on a cruise ship?  Can anyone say, bikini??  (Can my trainer say "Delusional!!"  I always imagine him having this ridiculous French accent saying, "What??  You geev me two months to work with 'zis??"  Yeah, maybe I should have made an appointment about six months ago.

Learn how to live in the moment.  Or at least in the day.  I've always lived for what's happening next.  I never just enjoy what is happening now.  And as cliche as that sounds, I want to learn how to quit wishing my life away.  Time is going by faster and faster every year and I want to appreciate it.

Do not use my credit card.  I am keeping that evil little money sucker in the safe FOR EMERGENCIES!!  REAL emergencies - not the "oh my God I need those shoes!" emergencies.  I paid it off this month, and I plan on keeping it that way.


Blog more consistently, at least once a week.  Hey, y'all!!  I am resolving not to abandon you again!!

Stepford Barbie?

I noticed this weekend that apparently, wearing heels to the grocery store causes me to spend approximately three times more than I would otherwise.  There seemed to be something just so right about tossing miscellaneous items into my shopping cart while I pranced around about five inches taller than natural. 

Something very...Stepford wife-ish. 

It was exhilarating, until I realized the buggy was nearly overflowing (I could barely move it, it was so heavy) and remembered that I had been supplied with limited funds.  So a marched up to around four or five random shoppers and employees to ask them if they believed I had stayed under my limit.  (Obviously, overconfidence is also a side-effect of shopping in high heels.) 

When I finally made it to the check-out counter and discovered that I was, indeed, under my limit, I actually felt upset and cheated, like I needed to go back and buy more food.  Ooooh, very bad, Barbie. 

Therefore, I will be wearing flats to the grocery store from now on.  Boo-hoo.

Sex, love, and...shoes??

My obsession with shoes has taken a new turn.  My first love was strappy stilettos.  We broke up, and I started stalking wedges.  When that didn't work out, I met the classic pump, and as that relationship grew boring, I am now pursuing a winter fling with boots.  (Confession:  I still have occasional one-night-stands with my former lovers.)

But oh, my boots.  My old go-to cowboy boots, my classic brown leather Jessica Simpson knee-highs, the Calvin Klein black ankle boots, my leopard print rain boots...my list of conquests would shock you!  But I wanted needed, something more.

Then I discovered, thanks to my InStyle magazine subscription, over-the-knee boots.  Lust at first sight.

And I never lust after something for long!

(Forgive the grainy photo - I was literally panting trying to get a good picture of these by myself, while they were on myself's feet!!)

Aren't. They. GORGEOUS.

(Rhetorical question, darlings.)

Black Nine West over-the-knee boots.  I squealed when I found them.  Yes, in the store.  In front of people.  We are in the newlywed phase and I refuse to be ashamed for squealing.  I hugged them all the way to the register.

These boots are going to make beautiful babies with tights and mini-dresses.  Sigh. 

So dudes, I'm gonna get a tattoo that says ITALY...across my belly!!

The Hills actually made me a little nauseous last night - Justin Bobby's belly tattoo...

And the always classy Spencer's cowboy hat...

And Brody's asshole attitude about his girlfriend not wanting to go to his ex-girlfriend's party (yeah, Brody, I was in love with you before this little pissy hissy fit you threw!)...

And Kristin's devastated surprise that Justin Bobby stood her up.  Really, really?  You were surprised?  If his trailer park name doesn't tell you anything, his hair should!  Oh, Kristin.  If you are not invincible, I don't think I can have a girl crush on you anymore...

Oh, and I definitely think I saw Spencer at my gym today.  Yeah, I almost walked up to him and asked him what was up with the cowboy hats and insulting a six-year-old.  (I have a feeling though, that this guy probably doesn't even watch The Hills and would have thought I was just a teensey bit crazy!)

Don't you just love the fun, ridiculousness of "scripted-reality" t.v.?

My name is Barbie, and yes, I'm a color-holic!

Anyone who knows me can tell you that since I've learned that one can change her hair color, I've experimented with every color of the rainbow.  The hair rainbow, though.  I like to keep it natural - my personality just doesn't suit pink highlights.

I quickly decided that my favorite color of the hair rainbow was blonde, but I could never decide which shade of blonde I liked best.  When I wanted low maintenance, I would change to dark blonde.  When I decided to forget low maintenance and go with my heart's true desire, I went platinum.  When I just wanted a change, I got highlights or lowlights, and when I got a wild hair up my ass (a lovely Georgia phrase I've picked up!!), I regret to say that I turned my back on blonde and went brunette.  Shudder.  Brunette just never felt like me.

Because I hardly ever use any heat styling on my hair (due to my exciting "commuting + school + working out = ponytail" routine), I have never understood why my hair has always been so dry and damaged and impossible to work with.  I kept searching for the lastest, greatest hair miracle out there, and readers, it has taken me years to understand that color can ruin pretty hair.  I mean, as in up until today it never really, truly occurred to me. 

Pretty blonde of me, huh?  (God, I'm just so clever!)

Today, I let my sister smash my dream of having gloriously long hair on my wedding day and cut the damaged ends off.  And it was a lot of ends.  There's still more damage left to get rid of, but she removed about ninety percent of the splits and melties.  (And okay, I'm exaggerating about her smashing my dreams, as my hair's been refusing to grow any longer for a few months now because of the damage.)

My new cut shows off my natural curl in a BIG way.  I feel very Marilyn, but without the platinum.  Which I promise to stay away from for a long, long time.

(Horrible picture.  Uh-mazing haircut!!)

My sister is amazing at what she does!!  If you want her information, tweet or facebook me, because my hair looks absolutely fabulous, and yours should, too!!

Woopsies

So, the lyrics of "Confessions" by Usher are stuck in my head right now because, you, my readers, are the ones I confess to when I have put my credit card in places it doesn't belong.  Or does belong but shouldn't go.  Or something.

It started out innocently enough.  My mom needed my help picking out something to wear on her birthday.  After class, we met at a little Japanese restaurant for some lunch, and off we went to find her outfit.  But my sneaky little card, which had been locked in the safe at my house (to keep me from using it), had found its way back into my wallet yesterday to buy some fabric for my sewing class (a lovely leopard print which will soon become a chic skirt).

Here are my woopsies.

I've been wanting a vest for years!!  This picture is terrible, but it's a little black cheapie from Maurice's whose buttons will have to be re-sewn, but it's so prescious and very versatile, plus it was on sale for almost nothing!!

A Michael Kors belt that I am now in love with.  I will be able to wear it around my waist with a belt, or through the belt loops of jeans.  Also very versatile!!

"These are my confessions!!"  And now hubby is home...dun dun dunnnnn!!  :)

Bleached, broke, and fabulous!!

So, last week I whined about my lack of motivation, but this week, I'm getting my life back in shape!!  This always happens when I decide to love myself, just as I am - I end up becoming a lazy shit for a little while.  But when I'm cursing my fat genetics and stressing out over anything, I'm actually my happiest.  Screw accepting myself as I am - I want the bigger and better me!!  (Well, maybe not bigger, but you understand.)

I have become wedding obsessed.  I eat, sleep, and breathe details like cocktail napkins.  I dream about things that can/might/will go wrong.  But I'm making progress, and let me tell you, planning a wedding is not for weenies.  There have been several times since I set the date that I've made up my mind to kidnap Ken and run off to some obscure little island and get married, but too many plans have already been set in motion.  (And who am I kidding?  I want my big fairy-tale wedding!!)

The quitting-smoking-thing is going really well - the end of this week will be a month on the patches.  I'm not saying I haven't slipped up, but everytime I do I feel so stupid and vow not to do it again.  The slip-ups are getting fewer and further between.  If any of you are trying to quit, try the patches.  The only complaint I have about them is that sometimes, they don't want to stick.  Especially at the gym.  (You know, sweat and all that un-girly fun stuff.)  "Girls don't sweat, they glisten", my ass!!

I will be going back to work in a little more than a week, another reason for the wedding mania.  I want to get everything done that I possibly can before I have even less free time than I do now.  I'm dreading it and looking forward to it at the same time.  Working just doesn't suit my lifestyle, but my shopping habits don't suit not working.  I just got a lecture from future-hubby about buying a new brush today.  One of those huge round brushes that give you incredible volume??  Love.  But I can't be irresponsible, says hubby.  So boo.  I'm ready to start making my own money again!

Oh, and my hair!  My hair had an accident last week with they dye.  That's where bleach will get you.  (No, Barbie, that's where vanity will get you!)  So now it is in such bad condition that I have been banned by my stylist from using any form of heat styling, especially straightening and curling, if I want any hair for my wedding.  So, I only get to blow-dry on the low setting, and deep condition several times a week until March.  My hair better be gorgeous that day, dammit!

Barbie Loves Fat Week

I have been such. a. freakin'. SLOB. this week.  I mean, I have nothing to show for myself - not one single thing.  School has been slow so no stress there.  I've felt lazy and tired (possibly because I haven't done anything) so working out, eh, who needs it?  Also, who needs a social life when you've got all of your new shows' premieres on t.v.?  And I've felt hungry, and munchy, and bored, and I've redeveloped my hand-mouth obsession, so I've been eating and drinking entirely too much.

So, as my social, intellectual, and physical well-being, along with any trace of self-motivation, are sitting on the back burner, the burner towards the front, the one that smells so good, the one I'm paying attention to, is cooking something yummy that I'm going to eat while I sit my fat butt on the couch.  With a side of Pizza Hut, Chinese take-out, and a large glass of burgundy.

I definitely feel enititled to rare vacations from my own Nazi-like self-control, so here's to the rest of this wasted week.

(And Monday, I swear, it's back to salads, the gym, studying, and wedding planning!!)

Don't Hate Me Because I'm a "Hills" Addict!!

Please forgive me, but today is devoted to...dun dun dunnnn..."The Hills."

I can't even find a legitimate excuse for watching this show. I just love it! It's the shoes, the cars, the clothes, the hair, the drama, the money, the ridiculous debate over scripted versus reality (it's totally real, duh!!), and those fabulous L.A. nightclubs! The life this Barbie doll should have been born into.

So, last night was the premiere of this season of "The Hills". It is going to be the BEST SEASON YET!! Kristin Cavallari has replaced Lauren Conrad (who, let's be honest, was great but just a teensey bit boring) as the star of the reality show. Kristin is absolutely gorgeous (note: Dear God, please make me look like her), absolutely a bitch, and absolutely hilarious.

Her red nail polish had me biting off my Sheer Crystal Dash, in order to exchange it for Juicy Tomato as soon as possible. I'm pathetic. But admittedly, I have a girl crush on Kristin Cavallari. I can live with that confession.

Oh my god, I only have 5 and a half months to do what??!!

Today I realized that my dream wedding is five and a half months away. That is less than half a year!! Like, this year is almost over and then I will only have three months!! And then when Valentine's Day comes, my wedding will be less than one month away!! Okay, enough with the countdown, I know, but suddenly I feel so overwhelmed. (Just when I was starting to freak out, puppy, who was sleeping next to my desk, woke himself up by snoring! Adorable!!)

Honestly, when I first got engaged, I was thinking that these things just sort of fell together. You buy your dress, get your bridesmaids, pick out your colors, and it just happened. I have no idea why! Maybe it had something to do with my parents getting married at their local courthouse in jeans. (Which started looking like a good idea to me halfway into all this planning!) I'm not someone whose been planning her wedding since she was five, marrying off my Barbie dolls. I was way more interested in dressing them up and fighting my sister for the prettiest one!

However, this weekend has been entirely devoted to the wedding. I've made 358742979469182301847 spreadsheets, each containing various information about EVERYTHING I would possibly need to know (budget, contact information, invitations, menu, etc.). I've made phone calls all afternoon, researched potential photographers, and played phone tag with every one of my bridesmaids.

I bought my sister's MOH (maid of honor...cool how it's abbreviated, huh? Even though I kind of defeated the purpose of abbreviation by explaining it like this) dress, which happened to be on sale. I emailed all of my bridesmaids, letting them know about the sale. I found out that the dress wasn't actually on sale, that the store had put the wrong tags on the wrong dresses. I argued with the bridal shop about the price, trying to save my girls almost sixty dollars. I got my way, but for today only. I called everyone to let them know about the mistake and about the limited time sale for only us.

I am exhausted.

And this is only the beginning. The easy stuff.

After consistently bitching at hubby for not helping with the wedding details, I finally came to this conclusion and told him, "Don't worry about it, baby. You make the money, and I'll figure out how to spend it." And I am definitely satisfied with that, because it let's me do what I do best!!

Dumb Blonde (and I'm Not Talking about Myself!!)

I've decided to compile a list of the beauty products I couldn't live without!! Exciting, isn't it?? No, really.

1. I thought I would start with these because I believe if you do not use and love Q-tips, you are a dirty freak. (And not in a good way.) But maybe not, if you've discovered some other ingenious way to clean all of those teeney little cavities God saw fit to bless us with.


2. Dumb Blonde by TIGI Bed Head: this stuff is AMAZING!! Blonde hair requires purple shampoo (for those of you not lucky enough to have a cosmetologist as a sister)! However, the shampoo-conditioner system are not only for us blondes - it claims to do wonders for brunettes and redheads alike. And I have to say I think it's just awful that blondes and brunettes have very sexy sounding names, and all girls with red hair get is "redhead."


3. CHI Infra Treatment was a accidental discovery the same day I bought those fabulous boots. I tried it and I'm hooked. I am convinced that using this stuff once a week is healing my overprocessed hair and split ends.


4. I use St. Ives Invigorating Apricot Scrub every couple of days to exfoliate my skin. I primarily use it on my face, but before I apply self-tanner, I exfoliate my entire body. You can put it on your fingers to massage into your skin, but I prefer to use a washcloth because it seems to really scratch off those dead skin cells that make your complexion look grey and dull. I used it for the first time when I was 14, I think, and I've been addicted ever since! I always get compliments on having pretty skin and I definitely give this find (and Proactiv) the credit for it.


5. Neutrogena Oil Free Acne Stress Control Power-Cream Body Wash is a savior to my skin. There is nothing like sweating and stress to cause breakouts, and I work out and freak out daily. I've been using this for about two weeks and I don't even worry about it anymore. (Wow, I sound like a commercial - I should definitely be getting paid to talk up all these products! Can my secretary, I mean my assistant, I mean my...hubby or my pomeranian...get someone on the phone about this stat!? Honey? Sweetie??)


6. Speaking of St. Ives, they have the most UH-MAZING lotion I've ever used, including the expensive stuff. It's called St. Ives Renewing Collagen Elastin lotion. Oh, I'm in love with it!


7. Now, smoking and soda drinking - not something I good denist would recommend. (Diet Coke and Virginia Slims are like the ultimate anti-beauty products.) But as a reward for two weeks of "just say no" to cigarettes, I used the Rembrandt 2 Hour Whitening Kit. In two hours, my teeth were blindingly white, and it was so easy to use and very comfortable. I whiten my teeth when I have two hours at home alone (or with Jared, we've pretty much lost the "mystery") doing laundry or homework, and when I'm done, I always have a brilliant smile. I like to do this every three or four months for upkeep.


8. Bare Minerals by Bare Escentuals is probably the best make-up in the world! The coverage is buildable, you use three fun fluffy brushes to apply it, and if you are a lazy s*** and don't wash off your make-up at night once in a while, it's ok!! They have bronzers, foundations, blush, lipgloss, everything, and I love all of it! It is especially good for summer weather (like, 75% of the year here in Georgia) because it's so light.


9. Working in a nail salon has taught me that OPI is the only nail polish worth using, and the best of OPI is Elephantastic Pink. Fun and grown-up at the same time, it is the most gorgeous Barbie pink I've ever seen in the world, and has me convinced that my wedding will not just include Tiffany blue, silver, and white, but also incorporate bits of Elephantastic pink. Everyone who laughed at me knowing that I'd change my mind about leaving pink out of my wedding color scheme, shut up! Even I knew you were right. It is my signature color, after all!!


10. My final favorite is also something I've recently discovered and has replaced my previous favorite mascara: Diorshow Iconic Mascara in Black. I have devastatingly short eyelashes, and by devastatingly, I mean nearly invisible and blonde, tragically. This mascara makes me look like I have falsies on, which I couldn't believe, but it's TRUE! It's absolutely incredible!!

"Something wonderful is gonna happen today!"

First of all, I want to apologize for my brief hiatus from the blogging world. The past two weeks have been miserable in more ways than I'm used to, starting with the fact that I quit smoking...again. But this time is looking much more successful than the last several. I am on the patch, which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone quitting. It has taken away my physical cravings for cigarettes, so all I have to deal with are the mental barriers. It's been a week today! I'm working on convincing myself that smoking is a disgusting, nasty habit. And that it's okay to gain a couple pounds if it helps me quit. Me + weight = long story, but let's just say I'm neurotic about it.

In other news, I am completely broke. My employer decided to pick up and go home (Vietnam) for a whole month, so I am stranded without a job, and my credit cards are feeling the strain. I took the hardest test of my life last week on the inner workings of computers (who cares??), but devoted approximately fifteen hours of studying to the exam and ended up with an A. I was scared to death - I had this ominous feeling which resulted in nausea all day before the class. Not pretty. But after three exams last week and one today, I feel like things are looking up!

And this isn't even half of what I've been dealing with.

So I've been feeling sorry for myself. Poor, pitiful, pathetic, and all alone. (sticks out pouty lip.) About things I can't change, so I'm done with that. You know that in a day, 80% of your time is spent doing things that are bad for you or that don't make you happy, and a measly 20% is spent doing the good things? (Just a little statistical knowledge I came across.)

So as cliche as it sounds, here's to rediscovering my childhood attitude where I would wake up feeling like something wonderful was going to happen that day, every day.

Oops, I did it again!

Uh-oh. Real life confessions of a shopaholic:

I got out of class early today, and my credit card was screaming to be let out of my pink wallet. And I don't like for there to be any screaming in my wallet. So I succumbed to temptation, and decided to do a little non-shopping. You know, when you go to the store and tell yourself you won't buy anything?

And there they were. Black Calvin Klein ankle boots, on sale and also screaming. And when the screaming of plastic and ankle boots met, I heard the Hallelujah chorus. And you can guess what happened from there.



So they are now in my closet, hidden in a shoe box, for the inevitable confession to Hubby. I'm hoping to avoid it though, by waiting for about a month to wear them.

Ken: "When did you get those?"

Barbie: "Oh these old things, I've had them for ages!"

That'll work right? Right? Ugh.

Barbie's back!!

I am blonde again. Finally. My brief hiatus from the world of perceived ditziness and more fun, although for understandable reasons (healthier hair, and saving serious money for my wedding), has caused some serious damage to my mood for the past month or so. My natural color just didn't feel natural to me. (And have you ever seen a dishwater-brown haired Barbie? Didn't think so.) Lucky for me, money wasn't an issue today. I own a cocktail ring my sister has been coveting for a while, and she just happens to be in cosmetology school, so an exchange was made. And by the way, she did an extraordinary job - she's been attempting to dye my hair blonde since she was twelve, always instilling tons of false confidence in me as she colored my hair bright orange time after time, causing massive amounts of damage and numerous temper tantrums (yes, by me), after which I would drive to the nearest salon, swearing I'd never let her try it again. But the allure of blonde from a box was too much for my high-school self to resist, so I always went back. Today, she made all the turmoil worth it.
The hubby said I looked "clean", which makes me wonder what I looked like before. Don't guys give the most original and confusing compliments? I can't wait to get all dolled up, though - clean is a great base, but I'm hoping for a better adjective than that from him the next time we go out.
And getting dolled up is what Barbie lives for, so watch out, Ken!!

A day in the life of a Georgia Barbie doll.

Wake up at 6:30 and beg my darling pom to hush long enough for me to pour my bowl of Raisin Bran.
Take him outside to do his morning business as I snarf down the cereal in record speed.
Get dressed (yes, the best thing about living in the country is being able to go out on the back porch in only panties and hubby's t-shirts) in shorts, a tank, tennis shoes, and an ultra-glam ponytail.
Kiss my bubbabear and son (also known as Dolce the pomeranian) goodbye as I prepare for the 40 minute drive to school.
At the gym for an hour and a half, cursing my genes and convincing myself every drop of sweat is fat dripping out of me.
School, class, quizzes, walking miles around campus with a 30 pound backpack, until blessed 2:00 happens and I get to lug that sucker back to my car for the 40 minute drive back home, this time in traffic.
Haul ass to the shower and ignore Dolce's pleas to play as I try to if not make myself gorgeous, at least look decent for work. (Sometimes this doesn't even happen because of the aformentioned traffic. I know, ick!)
Work at 3:00 - ahh the smell of acetone and tanning beds in the afternoon. Do my duties as the girl who helps the people who do the nails, which includes all the nasty stuff - cleaning, scrubbing, taking polish off of hairy toes, etc. By the way, if you don't already, please shave your toes regularly. If you are going to the effort to get a pedicure, polished nails on hairy toes cancel out the "pretty effect". Just so ya know.
Usually I have time to study at work because, as fall is coming, fewer and fewer people require tans and pedis. So I multitask, or get paid to sit in a corner and study, after I finish all my required work stuff.
Off work at 7:00, after which I am exhausted, usually with more homework to do when I get home. Then mom (Hi Mom!) calls to talk about an idea she has for the wedding, which is soo much more interesting than what I'm supposed to be doing. Finally, at about 11:00 I go to bed, regretting everything that I haven't gotten done.
I've learned in the past couple years that even Barbies and princesses have to join the real world sometime, and damn, I miss my pink Dream House!!

Studying, Sweating, and Staying Sweet (or trying to)

So, I'm going back to school tomorrow. Back to books, homework, and essays, balanced with work, planning a wedding, living with the fiance, and raising a dog. I feel like I'm completely justified in being nervous.
I've always been someone who really, really freaks out if something messes with my comfortable little routine, and this is a big adjustment. I've been out of school since December of '08, and I'm feeling all those jitters that a kid who's about to start middle school feels. Kind of pathetic, I know, for being twenty-one years old and in college.
But today, I cleaned out my car, which was a major job in itself, because honestly before today, it looked like I lived in my car. I've arranged my bookbag, printed out my class schedule, and eaten loads of comfort food, and I feel as ready as I'll ever be.
One thing I am thrilled about is going back to the gym whose membership fee is paid by my tuition. I'm obsessed with fitness, and being out of school for so long (with a free gym membership) has really affected my girlish figure. Not that it's so "girlish" even when I'm working out compulsively, but at least my curves stay under control. (I do appreciate every single body type though, because I really have been every single body type.)
But really, underneath all the nervousness, I'm super excited. I love having my schedule completely booked, and that's exactly what this semester is looking like.

Young, in love, and broke.

After being engaged since June of 2008, my fiance and I have finally set a date. I have until March to plan the most beautiful wedding and biggest party this little town has ever seen, on the most limited budget ever, ever! To elaborate on how limited said budget is, hubby was laid off from his job at our town's enormous plant (which used to employ over half of the families in the town), and I am working part-time at a nail salon while attending college. We sat down a couple of nights ago and decided what we could do without in order to make this wedding perfect.

Me: "Honey, do you really NEED so many channels on the t.v.?"

Him: "Sweetie, do you really NEED weekly pedicures?"

Me: "Pooky, does the air conditioner really NEED to stay at 65 during the day when noone is home?"

Him: "Darlin', do I NEED to take away your credit cards?"

After about half an hour of going back and forth like this, finding all the ways that the other loves to spend money unnecessarily, we were able to come up with several compromises that will save us a significant amount of money. This isn't so hard - it's kind of like being a grown-up.

We were doing absolutely super until last Sunday, when my car broke down in the middle of the highway an hour and a half away from home. Of course, something expensive and important would happen when we were behaving so well, restraining ourselves from all our compulsive spending. So...we're back to where we started. Money doesn't buy happiness, but that's hard to believe when "ya ain't got none." At least we're still young and beautiful and in love, right?